- I liked to climb on the fig tree in my maternal grandparent's garden
- I was tomboyish (I played tennis, I took Judo classes and I was a member of the local swimming club)
- I peed standing up for a short period (I probably imitated my brother and my older cousin)
- I was already mistaken for a boy by some people
- boys liked to hang out with me and imitated me because I was a "wild", fun and extroverted child
- I didn't play with dolls and when one of my mom's friends gave me a Barbie doll for my birthday I wasn't happy about it or grateful for the gift but told her "odi ti bre Vera u p...u materinu"
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I won't be assimilated - resistance isn't futile
Usually when people ask me whether I'm a girl or a boy I tell them that I'm a woman or I look at them puzzled and raise my eyebrows - it depends on the situation and my mood (I can be bitchy when I had a bad day or when I have PMS). Once I was sitting on a bench in front of a supermarket when a woman (a complete stranger) approached me and asked me the question I have heard at least a thousand times in my life. Instead of my standard reply I asked her: "Why is that even important? Or do you want to sleep with me?". My reply left her speechless. I thought that her reaction was hypocritical. She seemed to think that she was allowed to be rude but that I wasn't. How would she feel if a person that she had never seen before walked up to her and asked her: "are you a man or a woman?"
Most people give up when they realize that their questions don't upset you. Some are more persistent and do not leave you alone when you ignore them or when you "answer" their question with a question. An older lady said to me that she thought that I was a boy but that she now knows that I'm a girl. I didn't tell her that I couldn't care less what she thinks and I didn't point out to her that keeping your thoughts to yourself is also an option. Since she didn't get the reaction she had hoped for she repeated what she had said. I told her in my calm and confident 'suck my strap on'-voice: "Don't be so sure until I take off my pants". That shut her up. :-) Sometimes all it takes to make someone back off is to show them that they can't make you feel unsure about yourself and that you can stand up for yourself.
Why do some people obviously consider it to be okay to forget about their manners and to be disrespectful just because they can't figure me out? Why does it interest them what I have between my legs? What makes them think that it's any of their business?
On the one hand, I understand why many people assume that I'm a boy or man or why they're confused. Many people read me as male even though I don't want to pass as male. I "just" have what some people call this BUTCH energy or aura and I'm androgynous. I find it interesting that most gay women find it ridiculous that many straight people consider me masculine. [Mostly I wear my hair very short (I have a buzz cut at present) and I like to dress casually and sporty (shirts, hoodies, baggy jeans, cargo pants, board shorts). I never wear dresses, high heels, make up or a handbag.] On the other hand, I don't because I have boobs and curvy hips and I do not have facial hair or a beard.
Most people give up when they realize that their questions don't upset you. Some are more persistent and do not leave you alone when you ignore them or when you "answer" their question with a question. An older lady said to me that she thought that I was a boy but that she now knows that I'm a girl. I didn't tell her that I couldn't care less what she thinks and I didn't point out to her that keeping your thoughts to yourself is also an option. Since she didn't get the reaction she had hoped for she repeated what she had said. I told her in my calm and confident 'suck my strap on'-voice: "Don't be so sure until I take off my pants". That shut her up. :-) Sometimes all it takes to make someone back off is to show them that they can't make you feel unsure about yourself and that you can stand up for yourself.
Why do some people obviously consider it to be okay to forget about their manners and to be disrespectful just because they can't figure me out? Why does it interest them what I have between my legs? What makes them think that it's any of their business?
On the one hand, I understand why many people assume that I'm a boy or man or why they're confused. Many people read me as male even though I don't want to pass as male. I "just" have what some people call this BUTCH energy or aura and I'm androgynous. I find it interesting that most gay women find it ridiculous that many straight people consider me masculine. [Mostly I wear my hair very short (I have a buzz cut at present) and I like to dress casually and sporty (shirts, hoodies, baggy jeans, cargo pants, board shorts). I never wear dresses, high heels, make up or a handbag.] On the other hand, I don't because I have boobs and curvy hips and I do not have facial hair or a beard.
Genderqueer me
It's weird what kind of questions some people deem ok to ask me just because they notice that I'm "different". For instance: "So you like straight women to have the hots for you because they think you're a guy?" WTF? I didn't explain to the man who asked me this that I like gay or bisexual women who are into me and who know that I'm a lesbian.
I get transphobic comments from time to time even though I'm not trans. Interestingly enough, mostly from lesbians, bi-curious or questioning women. Had I been in a relationship with one of them I would probably have thought that they wanted to be sure that I'm gay and that I had no intention of transitioning because that could affect how they identify or label themselves. However, since those women were just acquaintances it made me wonder why they wanted to discuss my sex especially since they already knew that I'm a woman and that I'm not a FTM.
I do not get angry when some people think that I'm a guy and when they use personal pronouns auch as he, him, his when they talk about me. I'm not dressing and looking the way I do because I want to pass as male - it's just how I feel most comfortable.
I get transphobic comments from time to time even though I'm not trans. Interestingly enough, mostly from lesbians, bi-curious or questioning women. Had I been in a relationship with one of them I would probably have thought that they wanted to be sure that I'm gay and that I had no intention of transitioning because that could affect how they identify or label themselves. However, since those women were just acquaintances it made me wonder why they wanted to discuss my sex especially since they already knew that I'm a woman and that I'm not a FTM.
I do not get angry when some people think that I'm a guy and when they use personal pronouns auch as he, him, his when they talk about me. I'm not dressing and looking the way I do because I want to pass as male - it's just how I feel most comfortable.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
never judge a book by its cover
I've noticed that some people make assumptions about my sex, my gender, my sexual orientation and my sexual preferences based on the way I look, walk, talk, behave and dress.
In 2010, a bi-curious 21-year-old girl from an Eastern European country told me that I'm "visibly gay". I took it as a compliment which pissed her off because she had tried to offend me. She confided in me that she was straight and bi-curious only for one of her female friends. Prior to that I had wondered why she thought that she had any right to tell me that I should try dating and having sex with men. I explained to her that I don't feel sexually attracted to men and that it therefore would not make any sense to sleep with a man. After her "confession" I realized that she was dealing with internalized homophobia and that she had difficulties accepting the fact that she felt attracted to a woman. She was quite frank and let me know that she finds women's bodies far more beautiful than male bodies, especially from the waist down, but that she will only marry a man and have a family with him.
I remember telling her that I don't like people who are superficial and who have prejudices and put me in a certain category without even taking time to get to know me. She had expected that I always take the initiative and make the first step because of the way I look. In her opinion my outside appearance didn't match my inside (character). I found it very amusing when she advised me that I should either adapt my outside more to my inside (by dressing differently [more "feminine"], letting my hair grow etc.) or the other way round. Her reasoning was quite heteronormative.
She told me that her parents are homophobic and that they had warned her that she might get raped after she had let them know that she was going out to meet a lesbian woman. I had never heard such a negative and unfair prejudice. I explained to her that rape, as far as I know, occurs mostly in a relationship between two women and only rarely outside of a relationship.
What perplexed and surprised me the most was that she thought that I didn't like to cuddle. I love to cuddle - of course, not with everyone. :-) She told me that her first impression of me was that I'm cautious and reserved and that I appear to live in a bubble. We were on our third non-date and she already knew that I was going through a very hard time and that I was devastated because of a situation with my "best friend". Even though I don't like to generalize it's true that I can be careful and shy when I'm just getting to know someone and that I need some time to open up. However, some of my friends find it difficult to believe that I can be can quite chicken since I'm "such a confident" person in their opinion. I know that I can be very brave, forward, and assertive if I like someone a lot.
She claimed that she had told me things she had never told anybody before. I assume that she did because I didn't know any of her friends (so that her "secrets" were safe with me) and because she thought that she would probably never see me again since we don't live in the same country.
In 2010, a bi-curious 21-year-old girl from an Eastern European country told me that I'm "visibly gay". I took it as a compliment which pissed her off because she had tried to offend me. She confided in me that she was straight and bi-curious only for one of her female friends. Prior to that I had wondered why she thought that she had any right to tell me that I should try dating and having sex with men. I explained to her that I don't feel sexually attracted to men and that it therefore would not make any sense to sleep with a man. After her "confession" I realized that she was dealing with internalized homophobia and that she had difficulties accepting the fact that she felt attracted to a woman. She was quite frank and let me know that she finds women's bodies far more beautiful than male bodies, especially from the waist down, but that she will only marry a man and have a family with him.
I remember telling her that I don't like people who are superficial and who have prejudices and put me in a certain category without even taking time to get to know me. She had expected that I always take the initiative and make the first step because of the way I look. In her opinion my outside appearance didn't match my inside (character). I found it very amusing when she advised me that I should either adapt my outside more to my inside (by dressing differently [more "feminine"], letting my hair grow etc.) or the other way round. Her reasoning was quite heteronormative.
She told me that her parents are homophobic and that they had warned her that she might get raped after she had let them know that she was going out to meet a lesbian woman. I had never heard such a negative and unfair prejudice. I explained to her that rape, as far as I know, occurs mostly in a relationship between two women and only rarely outside of a relationship.
What perplexed and surprised me the most was that she thought that I didn't like to cuddle. I love to cuddle - of course, not with everyone. :-) She told me that her first impression of me was that I'm cautious and reserved and that I appear to live in a bubble. We were on our third non-date and she already knew that I was going through a very hard time and that I was devastated because of a situation with my "best friend". Even though I don't like to generalize it's true that I can be careful and shy when I'm just getting to know someone and that I need some time to open up. However, some of my friends find it difficult to believe that I can be can quite chicken since I'm "such a confident" person in their opinion. I know that I can be very brave, forward, and assertive if I like someone a lot.
She claimed that she had told me things she had never told anybody before. I assume that she did because I didn't know any of her friends (so that her "secrets" were safe with me) and because she thought that she would probably never see me again since we don't live in the same country.
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