She often tells me that I'm handsome/beautiful/gorgeous, but I've never seen desire in her eyes. She never looked in my eyes when she cautiously carressed me as if she was unsure whether what she did was any good, whether I liked it. I never saw her smile seductively or impishly at me when she touched me. I never had the impression that she enjoys pleasuring me. In my opinion, even if a woman is inexperencied and has never had sex with a person of the same sex she should love making out with her girlfriend if she is into her or women in general. Otherwise I don't see why she is with her except for her own pleasure and needs and this would be horribly selfish. Sometimes she grabs or touches my ass and my leg from behind when I don't expect it - for example when I'm un/dressing and changing my clothes. She never just kissed me, looked me in the eyes and let her hands glide all over my body as if she couldn't get enough of me. Most of the times she's very passive (in bed) and not very passionate.
I told her when we first slept together "u svaku spilju se moze uci samo se mora znati kako" (you can enter in any cave, you just have to know how). Prior to that, she had kind of reprochaed me that she wanted to return the favor but that my boxershorts and bra were hindering her - which is a lame excuse in my opinion since she could have just taken off my underwear or slipped her hand/s under it. It is true that I told her "you're hurting me" a few times when she threw herself on me or when she jumped on me and hit me with her elbow in my ribs. I asked her to be more gentle and tender. I sometimes think that she either doesn't know what to do with a woman in bed even though she could have just mirrored or imitated my actions and moves and I would definitely have liked it, or that she doesn't really want to have sex with me (out of shame, insecurities, fear of doing something "wrong", lack of desire etc.) because then she couldn't say anymore that she's neither bisexual nor straight (this comment which is in my opinion prompted by her internalized homophobia boggles my mind because SHE IS SLEEPING WITH ME (A WOMAN), albeit she's "takes the role" of a bottom-pillow-princess-starfish.
She tries to put the blame for not being more active on the fact that I complained a few times when she was wild and hasty and hurt me in the spur of the moment. Interestlingly enough, she never mentions all the instances where I encouraged her and told her how much I enjoy her touch and her kisses when she's not so stormy and not hurting me. In those situations, she stopped after a short time. I don't know whether because she didn't know how to continue or whether because she was bored or whether because she didn't like it and therefore stopped.
She tries to wrest the truth and tell me that I'm responsible for the fact that she doesn't do more. I'm definitely not going to beg her to go down on me or to fuck me. I'm not only too proud for that but I want a woman to do all kinds of things to and with me because she wants to and because she can't keep her hands, mouth, tounge, legs from my skin. It's my fault that I can be too shy OR too loyal OR still too heartbroken over someone from my past and don't smile back at women who stare at me and look as if they wanted to devour me in a very sexual way.
However, I did talk with her about my needs (that I would like her to kiss and carress me more often and longer) and she mocked me and told me "dosla maca na vratanca" as if mine was a case of PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL, as if I had claimed that I didn't need her but "just" wanted her, as if I had somehow pushed her away and now was asking her to come back, as if I had been haughty and she had to put me in my place and rebuke me.
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