You didn't fool me

Since your friend was with you, you felt safe to say things to me you never told me before. That's cowardly. Did you think that I wouldn't make a scene if she was present? Did you take her with you so that she would act as some kind of buffer and so that you could figuratively speaking hide behind her? It didn't bother me that she was there. I asked you in front of her multiple times what was going on but you didn't give me any answers. I could have had an open conversation despite of your friend's presence but you couldn't even be honest with me when we were alone.

She asked whether she should leave us two alone or go inside so that we could talk because she also saw and felt how you and I interact and how we talk to each other. She could also feel the tangible and undeniable tension. But you're were too afraid to address it and to face it because you weren't ready or because you were to scared to accept the truth about yourself or to be more precise the fact that you have feelings for a woman, for me. I think that you couldn't deal with my intensity.

I know that you asked me all of the questions to determine whether I'm "relationship material" for you. It must have been terrible for you that I don't have and that I'm none of the things you thought you absolutely wanted and needed a person to have and to be so that you could be or want to be with them.

I don't have a permanent job, I don't have a big dog, I'm not an omnivore (anymore) and last but not least I'm not a man - but you still had feelings for me. You couldn't admit that. You hated it. You didn't want it to be true. You're in denial.

I think that there was a conflict between your rational and your emotional side even though there was no need for it because I have never lived off your money. On the contrary, you have often sponged on me. I was almost always the one who payed for movie tickets, lunches etc. I'm perfectly capable of providing not only for myself but for both of us. I'm not saying that I think that I can or that I want to buy your friendship, your time, your love ... If you were mine, you would never want for anything - not even if what you wanted from me was to let you go. You'd just have to tell me.

If you think that it would be irrational to be with me, then you're wrong because there's nothing more rational than love. Have you ever heard the song "Brighter Discontent" by The Submarines? What are houses, millions or billions in your bank accounts, trips around the world, expensive cars, clothes etc. ... if you haven't got love and someone who gets you and who cares about your welldoing?