The queer name of a non-gay bar

On Friday, my partner, a male friend of hers and I were in a cafe with
a strage name. My girlfriend's friend asked one of the waitresses: "what's the
meaning of the cafe's name?". She answered "THE LAST HOLE". He retorted
jokingly "SO THIS IS A CAFE FOR HOMOSEXUALS". She asked confused "why".
He replied "because they like LAST HOLES". I quipped along with him and
commented "SO THIS IS A GAY BAR". He laughed.

My partner's friend often tells sexual jokes and he's full of sexual innuendos and
remarks.
He told us about a lady friend of his who offered him not only to massage his two
legs but als his third led ;-) (his penis).

Wieder ein homophober Angriff in Zagreb

Dieses Mal (20. Oktober 2012) sind in der kroatischen Hauptstadt
zwei junge Männer - ein 24-jähriger Kroate und sein Partner, der spanischer Staatsbürger
ist, angegriffen und übelst beleidigt worden, nachdem sie sich in einem
Bus geküsst haben.

"get lost, you faggots, what the fuck do you want here/what the fuck are you doing here" (freie Übersetzung aus dem Kroatischen ins
Englische") soll der Anfang 20-jährige Angreifer geschrien haben.
Er soll dem Kroaten die Nase blutig geschlagen haben und auf
ihn weiter u.a. mit den Füßen eingeschlagen haben. Angefeuert
wurde der Angreifer (hellhäutig, kurz geschorene Haare 175 cm groß, Zagreber Akzent) dabei durch die junge Frau, die in seiner Begleitung war.

http://www.index.hr/vijesti/clanak/opet-zlocin-iz-mrznje-mladic-i-djevojka-napali-gay-par-u-zetovom-autobusu/643118.aspx

homophober Angriff vor Gericht in Zagreb

Laut der heutigen Onlineausgabe der
Tageszeitung Slobodna Dalmacija

http://www.slobodnadalmacija.hr/Crna-kronika/tabid/70/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/188817/Default.aspx

hat der junge Mann, der im Sommer 2012 auf Grund seiner
Homophobie zwei junge Frauen in Zagreb brutal
angegriffen hat, vor Gericht gesagt, dass er zwei
Mädchen/junge Frauen, die sich küssen, gesehen hätte und
dass er sie zusammenschlagen musste. Er hätte vorher so
etwas noch nie gesehen.

Der Schläger soll während der Tat alkoholisiert (inebriated, drunk)
gewesen sein und unter Drogeneinfluss gestanden haben - und daher unzurechnungsfähig gewesen sein. Er bedauert seine Tat und räumt eine Teilschuld ein. Er wollte sich öffentlich
entschuldigen.

Laut seinem Anwalt soll der junge Mann mental zurückgeblieben sein, an
einer Gehirnatrophie (Gehirnschwund) leiden und in einem
psychiatrischen Krankenhaus geheilt worden sein.

Homophobes and Gay Pride 2011 in Split

When it comes to men, I find it interesting that the most ardent homophobes whom I have encountered in the Balkans spend significantly more time socializing with their male friends than with their wifes or girlfriends.

I've been to a few straight bars and have noticed that most inebriated young men get very touchy-feely with their male buddies (they hug, carress and squeeze each other) but they do not dare to approach straight girls (especially not if they are not alone but in a group of female friends).

Seeing that the most ardent homophobes usually are the deepest in the closet, ten thousand inhabitants of Split/Croatia came out during the first Pride that took place on June, 11th 2011.

Why did so many "anti-gay demonstrators" feel threatened by someone else's sexual orientation? Why were they so full of hatred, intolerance and readiness to resort to violence?

Genderqueer me

It's weird what kind of questions some people deem ok to ask me just because they notice that I'm "different". For instance: "So you like straight women to have the hots for you because they think you're a guy?" WTF? I didn't explain to the man who asked me this that I like gay or bisexual women who are into me and who know that I'm a lesbian.

I get transphobic comments from time to time even though I'm not trans. Interestingly enough, mostly from lesbians, bi-curious or questioning women. Had I been in a relationship with one of them I would probably have thought that they wanted to be sure that I'm gay and that I had no intention of transitioning because that could affect how they identify or label themselves. However, since those women were just acquaintances it made me wonder why they wanted to discuss my sex especially since they already knew that I'm a woman and that I'm not a FTM.

I do not get angry when some people think that I'm a guy and when they use personal pronouns auch as he, him, his when they talk about me. I'm not dressing and looking the way I do because I want to pass as male - it's just how I feel most comfortable.

homophobic parents

My parents are both homophobic. When I came out to my mom in 2008 she told me that she would kill herself if it was true. It is true and she is still alive. She has come a long way in a couple of years IMO. From not being able to imagine that anyone is gay to telling me that she thinks that a girl or woman is interested in me. Some things definitely do get better - others, however, don't. Directly after my coming out my mom told me that in Yugoslavia they were taught at university (in the 1960s) that homosexuality is an illness and a perversion. Even though I was in my late twenties when I came out to her for the second time she didn't take it seriously and called it a phase. Most of all she was concerned about what other people were saying about me and how this affected her. She once asked me whether I could fathom what it was like for her as a mother to hear other people ask whether I was a boy or a girl or using pronouns such as "he, him, his etc." when they were talking about me because they assumed that I was a guy. I asked her what was more important to her what other people were saying about her daughter or that her daughter is happy. She doesn't believe that I'm happier since I came out even though I have told her that I am. My mother told me that I'm just provoking in her opinion. I asked her who I was provoking and with what (she replied "with how you dress and by telling people that you'r gay/a lesbian [my mom doesn't use the term queer]". She thinks that life would be easier for me if I assmilated and if I were like everyone else. I told her that I would be extremely unhappy if I lived a lie because that wouldn't be me and that I neither can nor want to live a lie and that I don't see a reason why I should pretend to be something I'm not.

My dad still can't accept that I'm gay although he pretended a few times that this in not the case. He once told a relative behind my back that I can "fart" (talk) as much as I want that there's enough room for it. I noticed anger, incredulity, and disappointment in his voice.

In 2010, a mutual acquaintance asked my dad whether it was true that I'm gay after I had come out to her. My father laughed it off and told her that I'm only joking. Therefore I think that he is still in denial about my sexual orientation. What's more, he still at times talks about some men with admiration in the hope that I will like them too. In 2008, he introduced me to a guy in his early twenties who was a medical student and later on proceeded to glorify the young man without really knowing him.

Personal experiences of sexism & homophobia

- Excerpt from a conversation I had with one of my father's friends in front of a supermarket in 2008. This guy (from now on P.) is approximately 45 years old.

P.: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No, I don't.
P.: You should really get a boyfriend!
Me: Why's that?
P: So that he can heal you.
Me: I'm perfectly healthy.

- Another "friend" (he is also ca. 45 years old) of my father once said in my presence that "gays are really sick". He told me that his wife was friends with a gay man and that she was often having coffee with this man. The gay man had often invited him to join them and have a cup of coffee with them but he always turned him down. He explained to me that he could never sit next to this gay man and shuddered at the mere thought of it.

- An approximately 50-year-old dentist once told me in 2009 that he would deport all gays to Siberia and that he would like to see whether they could get an erection when it is 60 degrees C below zero. Moreover, he said that "today men aren't real men anymore and women aren't real women".

- Another "friend" (he is in his late forties) of my father once told my dad and me that one of his waiters is gay and that this is ok but that he would never let him manage his restaurant. On another occasion the same man said that "it's better to be an asshole than to be gay".

I guess that some of them just wanted to see how I would react to their remarks. I think that they assumed that I was gay or anything but straight and that they wanted me to say something that would confirm their assumptions.